I am listening to a Jonatha Brooke album, Back in the Circus, which was released back in 2004. In its early days, Jam 88.3 (a station that replaced the late, lamented, City Lite), liked playing “Better After All,” which is track two. And my father’s officemate gave my dad a CD “mixtape” which had her cover of the Alan Parsons Project’s “Eye in the Sky” and the most haunting track, “Sleeping With The Light On.”
Of course, I like it.
Meanwhile, I have never been out alone in a long while, and I decided to do so today. I miss doing it. One of my classmates/teachers once promoted the idea of an “artist’s date” in our writing class, which meant time alone, and in my case, she asked me to do it with someone else, since I was so used to spending time alone.
I have to admit, though, that the last time I remember that I was by myself was almost a month ago. Roaming around Baguio in a cold, wet afternoon was what I was doing. And I thought, to be honest, that this was not enough.
So today, without meaning to, I just headed off somewhere where my friends and I planned to go tonight. I had coffee at a coffee shop, reading John Macquarrie (yes, I’m doing some more reading again). Then I looked with some sense of yearning at the CD section of a bookstore where they had Tallis and Byrd recordings.
Last night, on my way back from a friend’s place (I went on leave for a dinner that did not happen), I was reading a book about reconciliation. And the first thing I thought of doing was writing a note. It would just say, “I forgive you and I am sorry.” That is what happens when I am alone and I am reading something about reconciliation.
To whom it would be written is something I can only disclose in confidence.
“What am I now that I was then?
May memory restore again and again
The smallest color of the smallest day:
Time is the school in which we learn,
Time is the fire in which we burn.”
– “Calmly We Walk Through This April’s Day,” Delmore Schwartz.