I will be making a major decision sometime in the third quarter of this year. It is a decision that will affect people in different ways. I am sure some will be hurt by it, and others will not be surprised. But it is a decision that has been in the works for eight years now.
It will definitely shape my future as other decisions have done.
But what makes the one making this decision different is that he now knows that there are things he could not do and he could not remain stuck in wondering what he could have done before. Ignatius of Loyola founded the Society of Jesus in his forties. And three people I know have discovered new callings and new energy in their lives at a stage when people were expected to settle for riding off into the sunset.
I spent an entire day with one of them. He is still trying to work out that anger he felt towards those who gave him no chance. In a sense, I thought, to be honest, that it reminded me of who I was ten years ago. But something has happened to him. Indeed, he discovered that being in a new place opened new horizons for him, and it directed the hurt and pain toward building something that we all hope will last: a new venture in Christ’s Church.
It still remains to be seen whether I will become the strong, confident, articulate intellectual I am striving to be, or that person one acquaintance of mine described as “a child with the cooties.” All I can say is, I honestly don’t want to be the latter. So I can only say that…
…whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must remain silent. (L. Wittgenstein)