A temporary reopening to confess/apologize for something

Christmas is a time where I often pay attention to how I behave and what is going through my head. My worry is that I do think with my heart more than with my head (or the other way around, if what the Pueblo Indians say is true), and for me it is a time when emotions run high and start to crash just as quickly. Infatuation and suspicion come together at this time, and it is a most dangerous mix.

Perhaps I have to be honest, and I have to live with the consequences. I would like to thank everyone whom I have met so far for bearing with me as much as I try to bear with you. I am grateful to my family for their willingness to bear with me. I would like to thank the friends I have had for a very long time for their patience and concern and loyalty. And for those whom I have hurt by whatever I have or have not said or done, I ask for your forgiveness. I don’t know what it is, but only God knows and he is more forgiving than any of us. I forgive those who have held me in suspicion or contempt, or who have been indifferent to me.

And with all this said and done, I ask that you remember me in your prayers as I will do for you. As I continue to struggle with the doubts I have in building relationships and doing what I am doing, I would like to have faith enough to keep me on the calling to which I will devote my life. In the time I have left between now and the hereafter, a time whose exact duration I cannot control, I would like to live my life in hope, the hope that disturbs and frustrates whatever anyone of us can do. And most of all, I would like to love as God has loved me first. That is my deepest desire this Christmas.

That is a post I wish I could have written earlier, and that is what I am really supposed to say.


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